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What you say is "I am so sorry for your loss". Or "hugs". Or "Oh honey, my condolences." "You are in my thoughts." That sort of thing. The same thing you would say to a friend who was not Jewish. 'Cause we are actually human beings, y'know.
I finally finished my New Zealand photo album. Actually, it turned out to be three albums: one just for the California portion of our trip, one large book for most of New Zealand, and one small book for the last few days in Auckland.
And ridiculous me forgot to use the Groupon I had for an 8x11 book when I ordered the Auckland book, and tried to use it now but it's not valid for the 12x12 New Zealand book. Ugh. So I have to remember to use my $10 credit (the price you pay to Gorupon never expires, even if the Groupon does).
Let's see, what else is new...
Mom and Dad and my aunt and uncle went down to Florida and had a lovely graveside ceremony for Grandma, on my birthday. They sat shiva at her home, and a lot of people came. My folks returned on Saturday and sat at their house on Sunday.
My birthday was nice, in spite of it being the day my grandmother was being buried. I can't help but celebrate when I think about her, and feel that I was incredibly lucky to have a grandmother like that all the way to my 48th birthday.
I say my birthday was nice, but for the life of me, I can't remember much about it... Oh, yes, we had ice cream cake for the staff in the school kitchen! That was lovely. And my "adopted brother" brought me flowers.
The weekend was also a blur. Friday night and Saturday morning was the MWJDS Shabbaton, at Temple Beth Am, and I was running a great deal of it. Friday night was with the congregation, and it was something of a disaster, but Saturday I think went well. I was SO glad when it was over! I got home and took a two hour nap on Sofia's bed.
Which made me then take my kids to Jordan's Furniture on Sunday to buy Sofia a new (real) mattress to replace the 11 year old futon. Ouch! I also bought Sam a new mattress.
Sunday we did more shopping after a nice visit to some friends. The boys both got sneakers, shirts, and jeans. At some point, either Sunday or Monday, I bought a Baggallini messenger bag like the one I borrow from V every time we travel. My mom said she'd actually send me the money so it will be my birthday present.
I've been getting such sweet sympathy cards from my friends. I really appreciate all the warm thoughts. Grandma would have been thrilled. The worst moment for me was this past Sunday morning, when I would normally have called her for our one minute and 15 second conversation (she couldn't hear all that well). That was hard.
Micah stayed home sick today. I had taken him Tuesday for a strep test, which was negative, but his nose has taken over anyway, and he's really wiped out. Poor kid went through 4 or 5 boxes of kleenex today.
He also had his allergist appointment yesterday, and his excema is just SO bad right now. We're slathering all sorts of stuff on to try to clear it up. The meds do help.
I've had an extra kid a few times this week, whose parents are both away. So I have him talking constantly and my three moving constantly. Going to Newton Wellesley Hospital for the allergist appointment was sort of like taking a small circus on a road show.
David is still in Costa Rica, but will finally come home Saturday. And leave Sunday for North Carolina. Boo hoo!
His dad is sick, not quite sure what it going on. His body is not producing enough red blood cells, but it's not leukemia or cancer. He had 5 bags of blood a few weeks ago, and another 3 yesterday. We are all getting worried, both about him and about my mother-in-law, who is frantic with worry and trying not to show it.
Sam has been having a rough middle-school week. He got in trouble for a couple of lapses in impulse control, so he's been without iPad or iPod most of the week. Torture!
Sofia insisted on wearing her Rapunzel nightgown "princess dress" to school today. I pick my battles (especially after we wrestled her into a real outfit twice, and twice she changed back into the nightgown). The compromise was that she had to wear leggings. And the teachers got her to change into the t-shirt I put in her backpack before phys.ed. class. Whew.
It was the last week of the fall session for swimming for Sofia and gymnastics for the boys. The boys will have no change, since they will do the same class for spring session. Sofia will keep her Thursday class, but we are sad that we got bounced out of her Tuesday class (the school was supposed to have re-registered her, but they screwed up). We'll miss that teacher, because she does GREAT with him. She swam the entire width of the pool all by herself on Tuesday!
After swim classes this week, they've had "Flippy the Dolphin" greet the kids in the locker for high-fives. Sofia took one look at this giant dolphin, and backed right away. She spent the past two days saying "No Dolphin." So today, the class session before her had something leak out of a diaper, and there was a delay while the pool was being cleaned. They brought Flippy back out to play games with the kids. Sofia RAN to the other side of the waiting room. She sat in my lap, trembling, staring through the observation window and saying "Swim Now." She was so terrified!
Flippy was there again when we were drying her hair. She hadn't noticed until it was time to walk out, and he was blocking our normal route back to the waiting room. Fortunately I was able to take her the long way around. Her eyes were SO round with fear! Poor baby.
Ok, this is still bothering me a great deal, so I'll say it. If you are one of the mamas from the T-21 Online chat board or Gifts, one of those wonderful women whom I have bonded with over these past 8 years, those ladies I had such a wonderful time with at the Boston conference, and yet you still have not said one word of comfort to me on the loss of my grandmother, please know this:
I have loved each of you, and your children. I will continue to love you and your children. But I am deeply disappointed. And all I can pin it down to is that you don't know what to say to someone who is not a Christian or Mormon like you when they lose someone.
What you say is "I am so sorry for your loss". Or "hugs". Or "Oh honey, my condolences." "You are in my thoughts." That sort of thing. The same thing you would say to a friend who was not Jewish. 'Cause we are actually human beings, y'know.
There, rant is over. And for those of you who DID say (or type) something, thank you thank you thank you! It was very much appreciated.
2 comments:
Francine, I tend to not say too much because I am afraid I might say something wrong, so maybe the moms in the online group are afraid that they might mess up too. I know that you would forgive them and me, but maybe they don't feel comfortable enough to say something. Hey! You still talk to me and I let your allergic kiddo have cheese on a Friday night dinner with meat. Do you remember that? Anyway, I want you to know that I am still thinking of you and your family. Hang in there. Love you guys!
Tracy, I do understand that perhaps they don't feel comfortable saying something. That's why I'm trying to recognize the teachable moment, educate, and move on. 'Cause I really do love them all (and you, of course!!!).
f.
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