Saturday, October 13, 2018

Preparing for the Bat Mitzvah

In The Beginning


The evening we got our amnio results back, I wrote a letter to my not-yet-born daughter. In the letter I wrote that I was only worried about a couple of things. Her health was a concern, but I was hopeful, and we have been fortunate in her good health to this day. And then I said “I worry about your Jewish education. How do I make sure that you feel the joy that the rest of us do about Judaism?”
Inculcating a love of Judaism has been a key goal in my parenting journey. I want all of my children to love being Jewish, to be knowledgeable about our history and about our practices. Why should my daughter’s knowledge and love be any less important than that of her brothers?


I was already a member of Temple Israel of Natick before I even met David, and I was fortunate that he felt comfortable there also. Our boys both attended nursery school at TI. When we let our community know that our third child would have “a little something extra” (an extra 21st chromosome, in fact), members of the community threw us a Baby Seder, with prayers and offerings of future support for our family and children. Once Sofia was born, we were overjoyed to celebrate her Simchat Bat (naming ceremony) at Temple Israel also.


Meanwhile, as our boys grew, we were also involved in helping to start a Jewish Day School in our community (because otherwise the closest day school was an hour away!). Sam was in kindergarten at MWJDS (MetroWest Jewish Day School) when Sofia was born, and Micah joined him a few years later. And the Head of School even had a grown son with Down syndrome. When I told her about our amnio results, I let her know she had five years or so get the school ready for our daughter.


School: Jewish and Public


Well, of course not every parenting plan works out the way you expect. Sofia did not attend nursery school at our shul, because the program just did not offer all of the therapeutic extras she needed, while the public school’s preschool could provide things like speech, occupational and physical therapies. But she came with us to Shabbat morning services regularly, and enjoyed participating in the programs for children and families.


When it came time for kindergarten, it was clear our day school, MWJDS, would not have everything she needed, either. But what they did have was the Judaics program. So we worked out a creative compromise. Sofia attended the public school, but for the first three years, from kindergarten through second grade, she was also a part-time student at MWJDS. Twice a week she would leave school at noon to head to the day school, to be part of the Se’orah* class for Judaics, music, art and gym. The girls in the Se’orah class continue to be her friends to this day. (*At MWJDS, each class takes the name of one of the seven species of fruits mentioned in the Torah, and that name stays with them from kindergarten through graduation after 8th grade.)


In third grade, Sofia moved to the upper elementary school, and the typical curriculum at both schools became too difficult for her to access. We spent the year working on her mastery of English reading, writing and speaking. In fourth and fifth grade, Sofia joined the Temple Israel Religious School on Sunday mornings and Wednesday afternoons. I worked with the staff to create an alternate curriculum which Sofia could work on when her classmates were doing something that she would not be able to do. In fourth grade it worked fine, but in fifth grade, as the typical curriculum was even more text-based, Sofia spent most of her time in the chapel, working 1:1 with her wonderful teacher, “Hamorah Margalit” (Hamorah means “The Teacher” in Hebrew). They did a lot of “Godly Play”, an approach that helps children to explore their faith through story, to gain religious language and to enhance their spiritual experience though wonder and play. They also began practicing some of the prayers and rituals Sofia would need to know for her bat mitzvah.


Meanwhile, our family continued to attend Shabbat and holiday services regularly, and enjoyed many Shabbat meals with friends. Sofia learned the basics of the Friday night dinner table seder (kiddush, washing hands and motzi) by rote and loved being the Shabbat Princess (based on one of her favorite storybooks).


Special - and Jewish - Education


In sixth grade, the opportunity arose for Sofia to participate in a Gateways-style class nearby. Gateways: Access to Jewish Education provides services to promote the meaningful inclusion of individuals of all abilities in Jewish life. But I had always harbored some resentment for the idea of sending Sofia to Gateways, since it was a long drive and had been explained to me early on as being “for kids who can’t be serviced in their home community.” I wanted Sofia to be able to learn in her own community; to have local friends who she would see not just in class but in her regular life, going to shul and having fun together.


The CHESED program (Community Hebrew Special Education) was held at the nearby Framingham Conservative synagogue, Temple Beth Sholom. We thought that there would be two b’nei mitzvah students in that first year, Sofia and another girl with Down syndrome, but the other girl ended up not participating, and Sofia was the only bat mitzvah student on Tuesday afternoons. On Sunday mornings she attended the CHESED program with two other boys (both of whom are also TI members); neither are her age and neither provided any social interaction for Sofia. But with only three kids in class, the teacher (my colleague at MWJDS, Hamorah Amy) was able to present Jewish topics in creative ways that allowed Sofia to learn.


Planning a Bat Mitzvah


I worked with Hamorah Amy and her team, along with Cantor Ken from TI, to design materials that Sofia would use for her bat mitzvah. The siddur was based on the Gateways model, but we offered Sofia the particular prayers that would be most appropriate for our service at Temple Israel. Cantor Ken, Rabbi Liben and I fine-tuned a potential list of prayers for Sofia to study. We put things in order: she absolutely HAD to learn the blessings for the aliyah, it would be great if she could do the Shema/Echad/Gadlu sequence for taking out the Torah, it would be nice if she could lead kiddush, etc.


We had selected Sofia’s bat mitzvah date back at the end of fourth grade (which is when we get our dates at TI). Although her birthday is in February, we decided to have her bat mitzvah the following school year, so that she would be with her religious school classmates for the b’nei mitzvah year. We selected Parashat Bereshit, the very beginning of the Torah, for a couple of reasons. I felt that Sofia would be able to understand Chapter 1’s version of the creation story, in which God creates the world in six days, making order from chaos, and then rests on the seventh day, Shabbat.


The parasha would fall on October 6 in 2018, Sofia’s seventh grade year. Which happened to be the Saturday of Columbus Day weekend. And also the day before the MDSC Buddy Walk! It seemed like it would be a perfect time for out-of-town guests to come to New England, enjoy the fall foliage, and join us at the Buddy Walk as Sofia’s mitzvah project.


Details


The last few months of the spring, with Hamorah Amy out sick, the Temple Beth Sholom religious school director, Geri, took over working with Sofia. Together, they created seven large murals, depicting the seven days of creation. Geri and I settled on the text of בְּרֵאשִׁית  In The Beginning, adapted by Alison Greengard, illustrated by Carol Racklin-Siegel, a children’s book adaptation of the Torah, Genesis chapter 1 and the very beginning of chapter 2. I made a few edits to the text, to add gender neutral language and remove some words that were more challenging for Sofia to read.


Over the summer, Sofia and I practiced and practiced. We narrowed her parts down to:
Friday night Kiddush (which she mostly knew by heart, but I added a print version), the Shema/Echad/Gadlu sequence for taking out the Torah, the blessings before and after the aliyah, the adapted English text about the seven days of creation (which would be her d’var Torah speech), the Shabbat morning kiddush, and the al netilat yadaim and hamotzi blessings. Sofia practiced nearly every single evening from July through September!


In mid-September, we added a new tool: a Torah pointer yad. Sofia was becoming increasingly comfortable doing each piece on her own, and would wave me off, saying “I do it!”, but she refused to use her finger to follow along in the text. When I gave her the yad, however, she loved it, and used it for both the English and the (transliterated) Hebrew.


What about Friends?


It turns out Sofia is a bit of a Queen Bee in seventh grade at the public school. She has a coterie of girls - and boys - who hang out with her for lunch, recess, and any other opportunity, basking in her sassiness and following her every command. At the end of sixth grade, since the public school could not (by their privacy rules) let me know the names of any of these kids, I wrote an open letter to the parents, saying basically “your kid plays with mine and we would love to invite him/her to the bat mitzvah, so please contact me with your address.” The teachers identified nearly 20 kids who merited these letters, and all the parents were eager to send me their child’s address!


Aside from the public school gang, and the girls from the Se’orah class at MWJDS, and the kids in the SubSeparate class, and the gang from Special Olympics gymnastics, and a miscellaneous collection of other buddies with Down syndrome, we also invited the entire Gesher class, the religious school kids now in their b’nei mitzvah year. Being part of the Gesher class means two things: being part of the class gift (a special chanukiyah for each kid, thereby removing the need to get a different gift for each kid) and being invited to all the b’nei mitzvah parties when possible.


The Invitation


Because I’m an uber-geek when it comes to this stuff, of course I designed the invitation myself. For each of my kids, I wanted to include a Hebrew quote, and for Sofia, the one that seemed best was:


חָבִיב‭ ‬אָדָם‭ ‬שֶׁנִּבְרָא‭ ‬בְצֶלֶם‭.‬
Beloved is the person, created in the image of God.


The multiple bright colors of the invitation seemed very well-suited to represent Sofia. Add an elegant script (in purple, of course). On the back of each invitation, we invited everyone to join us the day after the bat mitzvah as part of Sofia’s Bat Mitzvah Team at the MDSC Buddy Walk.


As part of the invitation, I included a card to all the kids:
Dear Parents,
You know your child best. If you feel that he or she would benefit from having a caretaker present at the party, by all means please join us! Please let us know who will be attending with your child, and whether that person should sit with the children or at a grown-up table nearby.
(Read about the actual day of the bat mitzvah here in my previous blog post.)
x
Between all the family, our work colleagues, Sofia’s friends and our friends, we sent out over 200 invitations! We discovered that many people are REALLY bad at RSVPing on time, but eventually we accounted for nearly everyone - and lots and lots of people planned to attend!


Thursday, October 4, 2018: The Practice Minyan
Since David has been going to  morning minyan this year to say kaddish for his father, he wanted us to all go on Thursday morning so Sofia could have a “practice” run. It was great. She would not cooperate and sit in a chair, just sat on the floor tossing Woody, but when it was time to take out the Torah, she jumped right up. The chapel is small, there were only about a dozen other people besides us, so it wasn’t too crowded, and Sofia made sure she went around the table to everyone could reach the Torah. Her tallis was a bit lopsided, so she nearly tripped!


Sofia’s brother, Micah, was the Gabbai Sheini that morning, and he may have been even more proud than his parents as he watched his sister have her aliyah.
Sofia recited the blessings perfectly. She was beaming with pride when she was done. And she got to carry the Torah again at the end.


Friday, October 5, 2018


The five of us (Sam came home from college on Thursday night) gathered at the synagogue on Friday at 4pm to take photos. The Rabbi and the Cantor joined us for some pictures, and Sofia and I managed a couple of dress changes so we could get formals in our party dresses as well as our morning dresses (and my Friday night dress). Sofia looked so lovely with her hair curled and a little makeup to bring out her lovely features.


Between photos and services, David and Micah raced to the mall to get some watch batteries (for me and for Micah) while Sam and I set the tables for our dinner, which was after services. Sofia played with Woody and relaxed for a bit.




There were not too many people at services on Friday night. Many of our guest who were driving in were very late due to a big traffic jam on the Mass Pike. We had some friends and family at a nearby hotel, some having home hospitality nearby, and some staying at our house. All in all we had about 30 guests, plus the congregation.


For services, Sofia started out sitting on the bimah, even though Cantor Ken was standing down on the floor. Eventually, Sam convinced Sofia to sit next to the Rabbi in the front row. She sat in the chair in front of me, tossing and twirling Woody. But she sat quietly.


Then it was finally time for Kiddush. Sofia and I went up to the bimah and set up her book. I stood to her side, and chanted softly so she had a guide, but she recited the words strongly (if not always clearly) into the microphone, only smiling triumphantly when she was done.


We had a lovely Shabbat dinner. Two of my friends acted as kitchen staff so I could enjoy visiting with our guests. It was lovely to see everyone. Micah and I joined the friends table for Birkat Hamazon (I spent most of the meal at that table) and I loved every minute. Sofia ate with her cousins, and eventually ended up back on the floor, tossing Woody.


We had fun shmoozing, and finally left shul around 8:30. I was exhausted - Sam and I had been at shul all morning to set up, and I had to curl Sofia’s hair, make table cards, and finish all the last minute stuff all day - so I went to sleep early.

Monday, October 8, 2018

The Actual Bat Mitzvah!!!

I am beyond proud of my daughter and thankful for this beautiful weekend.

Friday, October 5, 2018


The five of us (Sam came home from college on Thursday) gathered at the synagogue on Friday at 4pm to take photos. The Rabbi and the Cantor joined us for some pictures, and Sofia and I managed a couple of dress changes so we could get formals in our party dresses as well as our morning dresses (and my Friday night dress). Sofia looked so lovely with her hair curled and a little makeup to bring out her lovely features.


Between photos and services, David and Micah raced to the mall to get some watch batteries (for me and for Micah) while Sam and I set the tables for our dinner, which was after services.


There were not too many people at services on Friday night. Many of our guest who were driving in were very late due to a big traffic jam on the Mass Pike. B, K, E & C flew up from Florida, and two other families had home hospitality nearby. A&J stayed with us. Two of my cousins flew in from California, and three pair of parental friends all joined us eventually for the evening. Plus of course our parents and Laura and her crew. My sister and her family got stuck in the traffic so did not make it to dinner.


For services, Sofia started out sitting on the bimah, even though Cantor Ken was standing down on the floor. Eventually, Sam convinced Sofia to sit next to the Rabbi in the front row. She sat in the chair in front of me, tossing and twirling Woody. But she sat quietly.


Then it was finally time for Kiddush. Sofia and I went up to the bimah and set up her book. I stood to her side, and chanted softly so she had a guide, but she recited the words strongly (if not always clearly) into the microphone, only smiling triumphantly when she was done.


We had a lovely Shabbat dinner. Two of my friends acted as kitchen staff so I could enjoy visiting with our guests. It was lovely to see everyone. Micah and I joined the friend table for Birkat Hamazon (I spent most of the meal at that table) and I loved every minute. Sofia ate with Laura and Lilie, and eventually ended up back on the floor, tossing Woody.

We had fun shmoozing, and finally left shul around 8:30. I was exhausted - Sam and I had been at shul all morning to set up, and I had to curl Sofia’s hair, make table cards, and finish all the last minute stuff all day - so I went to sleep early.


The Big Day


Sofia showered in the morning, and I put delicate little braids in her hair to pull it back from her face, with a sparkly bow in the back. She had a blue lace dress for services, plus of course her tallit that we had made last year in the Religious School class workshop. And her black shul shoes, which she mostly manages to keep on her feet.


We got to shul around 9am, and got settled. Sofia wanted to sit on the bimah the entire time, even during Shacharit when the Rabbi and Cantor were still on the floor level. But she sat nicely, holding Woody and observing the crowd.


There were tons and tons of people. Three extra rows of chairs, plus standing room. But empty seats up front (a problem with the layout of the room and people’s natural reluctance to sit up front). Sam, David, Micah and I kept a watchful eye on Sofia, occasionally instructing her to stand or sit or pay attention.


Program Book Text
It Takes a Village
To our family:
Thank you. They say you can’t choose your family, so we are very fortunate to get assigned to you. We treasure your love and support.
We are so grateful to have you in our lives.
To our friends:
We grew up with you, we went to school with you, we sent our children to camp with you, we laugh, we joke, we have long conversations, both in person and on the phone. Your love has been a constant. You CAN choose your friend.
We are so grateful you chose us.
To our Temple Israel community:
Every week you accept Sofia as one of the kids in shul. You usually watch as she runs out door, but will happily help find her when we are searching. You cheerfully accept the candy that you just tossed, as our generous daughter forcefully shares her bounty. You don’t blink twice that Sofia is here. From the beautiful Baby Seder so many of you participated in until now, she has been a welcome part of this community.
We are so thankful to belong here.
To our MetroWest Jewish Day School family:
You raised us all. We are intricately bound up in the tapestry of MWJDS. We celebrated Sofia’s baby naming there. Sofia was a part-time student and is a permanent member of the MWJDS family. Our colleagues, our friends, students, staff and board members, thank you.
We are grateful for your support and inclusion.
To Sofia‘s teachers, therapist, counselors and coaches:
Since she was three weeks old, you have been part of the tapestry of our lives. How could Sofia possibly be this amazing without your support? Your patience, your knowledge and your care have been invaluable.
We are thankful for your guidance.
To Sofia’s friends:
You have grown up accepting Sofia as one of you, recognizing that she is both unique and just like you. You welcome her for play, for hugs and for high-fives. You follow along with her funny dances and her big adventures.
We are proud of you and the future you will shape.
To the Down syndrome community:
None of us sought to be part of this community but we cannot imagine making this journey without you. Whether in person or on the Internet, with IRL (“in real life”) visits so infrequent but so special, you have been there to help us navigate the unusual journey it is to raise a chromosomally enhanced human being. We definitely could not have done it without you.
We are so grateful for your friendship and support.
To the differently abled community:
Also a community no one seeks to be a part of but can’t survive without. We share the joys and the heart aches of having unique needs. Together we will change the world.
We thank you for your perseverance.
To everyone who came from near and far to be with us today:
We thank you all for being here.
We are thrilled to be able to share our joy with you.
About Down Syndrome
For centuries, people with Down syndrome have been alluded to in art, literature and science. In 1866, Dr. John Langdon Down first published an accurate description of the condition as a distinct and separate entity. In 1959, Dr. Jérôme Lejeune identified Down syndrome as a chromosomal condition. Instead of the usual 46 chromosomes present in each cell, Lejeune observed 47 in the cells of individuals with Down syndrome; because of an extra piece on the 21st chromosomal pair, it is also called Trisomy 21. It is the most common chromosomal condition; about 6,000 babies with Down syndrome are born in the United States each year. October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month!

Torah Service

And then it was time for the Torah service. We had decided at the last rehearsal that Sam would hold the Torah while Sofia stayed at the amud (the readers table) to use the microphone and prop her book on the podium.


Sofia showed no signs of nervousness as she carefully said the words Shema Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai Echad. And when the congregation responded with the repetition of that phrase, a huge smile spread over her face as she realized the power she held!


Sam and the Rabbi transferred the Torah into her arms, and she proudly carried it through the congregation. Quickly. But she didn’t drop it, so quick was fine.


When the Torah readings begin, Sofia tossed Woody to me, and never wanted him back (I asked!). She also never left the bimah, although usually Torah reading is her prime bathroom break (I asked about that, too!).


The Torah readings were great. For the first aliyah, we had three readers. Back when I had been teaching Torah reading at MWJDS, and it was the Se’orah class’ turn to learn, one of the girls had protested that she was too shy to have her own bat mitzvah in front of so many people, and wanted hers on a quieter day. I explained that I wanted Sofia’s to be on Shabbat because the congregation has watched her (and this other child) every week, and everyone wanted to be able to celebrate with them, so she sighed and said, “I guess I’ll read Torah for Sofia’s bat mitzvah.” Of course, the other girls wanted in on that, so two of her former classmates plus another MWJDS friend split the first aliyah. My dear friend Brenda read second, and another of Sofia's friends was another reader. Three more of our adult friends rounded out the readers, and I did the last aliyah and the Maftir.


Sofia stood proudly at the amud. I had to coach her to take the corner of her tallis and kiss the Torah first, but she recited the blessing before the aliyah, and waited patiently while I read, then (with more prompting about kissing the Torah first) recited the second blessing.


Rabbi and Cantor recited the Misheberach blessing in English and Hebrew, and then I said a few words to Sofia and to everyone, and then David and I read a blessing. And then they threw candy!


My Remarks & Our Blessing
The evening we got our amnio results back, I wrote a letter to my not-yet-born daughter. In the letter I wrote “I worry about your Jewish education. How do I make sure that you feel the joy that the rest of us do about Judaism?”
Well, Sofia, everyone here can see that you most certainly feel as much joy as any of us. You have practiced so hard for this day, and we are all so very proud of you.
In your baby book, along with the letter, I found my remarks for your Simchat Bat, the baby naming we celebrated here at Temple Israel. These words all still hold true today, so it made writing remarks for today much easier. It starts with a poem:
Everything in God’s creation has its distinctive melody,

A rhythm and life-beat that it alone plays.
This is especially true of humanity.
Each of us has the song we sing in this world,
An evolving ballad that is uniquely his or her own.

Moshe Mykoff
Just as we celebrated your Simchat Bat here, we are so glad to be celebrating your Bat Mitzvah at Temple Israel, which really is our second home. We hope you are always surrounded by the warmth and love that fills this room today, with so many family and friends watching you grow. We thank everyone for all the caring and support you have always given us, and we are so glad you could all join us for Sofia’s second major lifecycle event. We look forward to celebrating many more simchas with each of you.
We are grateful, O God, for the privilege of passing along the gift of life which You gave us, thus sharing with You in the miracle of creation. We are grateful for the thirteen years of nurturing this life, for the unnumbered joys and challenges which these years have brought us. Praise to You, O Lord, for keeping us alive, for sustaining us, and for enabling us to reach this day.
Bless our daughter, O God; watch over her, protect her, guide her. Help her to continue to grow in body and mind, in soul and character. Keep her loyal to our people and to the teachings of our Torah. May her life be rich and rewarding. May all her deeds bring pride to us, honor to the house of Israel, and glory to Your name. Amen.
The Service Continues
Sofia's d'var was actually an adaptation of the text:

בְּרֵאשִׁית  In The Beginning
Adapted by Alison Greengard, Illustrated by Carol Racklin-Siegel

In the beginning, when God was making heaven and earth, God said, “Let there be light!” And there was light. God called light Day. God called the darkness Night. It was evening and it was morning, the first day.
God said, “Let there be space in the water.” God called the space Sky.  God said, “Let the waters gather in one place, and let dry land appear.” It was so. God called the dry land Earth, and God called the water Seas. God saw it was good. It was evening and it was morning, the second day.
God said, “Let the earth grow plants.” It was so, and God saw it was good.
It was evening and it was morning, the third day.
God said, “Let there be lights in the sky!” It was so. God made the big light to rule the day, and the smaller light to rule the night, and the stars. God saw it was good. It was evening and it was morning, the fourth day.
God said, “Let the waters be filled with fish, and let birds fly above the earth.” God saw it was good. God blessed them. It was evening and it was morning, the fifth day.
God said, “Make animals on the earth.” It was so, and God saw it was good. God created people in God’s image. Male and female, God created them. God blessed them. God saw all that had been made, it was Very good.
It was evening and it was morning, the sixth day.
The sky and the earth and everything were completed. On the seventh day, God finished all the work of creation and rested. God blessed the seventh day and made it holy. It was Shabbat!


We had her murals, created with her religious school teacher last spring, displayed in front of her while she read.












Micah chanted the Haftarah.
Sofia’s MWJDS classmates plus one other friend all joined her for Ashrei. She stood at the microphone and tried to say the words along with them (that will be what I teach her next). It was one of the few times I got teary-eyed, seeing all of them together. After a speedy Musaf service came the speeches. “Hamorah Margalit” Gretchen made the presentation on behalf of the synagogue, and that brought me to tears. She and Sofia have a special rapport from their year working together. And it was very sweet: Gretchen pointed to the large gift (the chanukiya from the Gesher class) on the amud and asked Sofia if she knew who it was from, and Sofia promptly replied “Sophia P!”
Kendra made the presentation from USY, and she was so sweet and poised and adorable with Sofia. It was very touching to see them together, too, because they really have a special friendship.
The rabbi’s brief remarks to Sofia were equally special, as was his own d’var at the end of the Torah service.
Sofia loved standing for Adon Olam, and then Lilie joined her for kiddush (because of the time, Cantor actually skipped V’shamru!). Lilie reached for the kiddush cup, and Sofia smoothly grabbed it out of her hands! They recited kiddush together, and Sofia loudly recited al netilat yadaim and hamotzi.
Lunch
As usual, we rented long tables and turned the Social Hall into some sort of fancy beer hall (minus the beer) as we tried to seat more than 300 people. We were very fortunate that the weather was lovely, so we also had round tables set up in the courtyard for overflow. It took people a long time to get through the buffet, even with 8 lines. The food was delicious. Phyllis (the caterer) really outdid herself. Amazing brisket, hot turkey breast, tzimmes, chicken tenders, meatballs, hot dogs in sauce, wild rice, and antipasto salad with lots of veggies. There were also egg rolls, meat knishes and potato pancakes in the hallway. Yum.
We didn’t leave until about 2:30, happy, full and exhausted. Back at home, I did a couple of last minute preparations, curled Sofia’s hair again, and took a short nap. Then it was time to dress and head back for the party.


Party Time
Sofia and I got to shul around 6:30, with the rest of our household arriving shortly after. The DJ was did a sound test, the catering staff was still setting up, and it was a bustle. But by 7pm we were ready and people started arriving.

We had adults out in the hallway for
hor d’ourves, kids inside with the DJ for quiet games (and nachos). Around 7:30, we all gathered in the Social Hall, and eventually we got everyone to quiet down for Havdalah. The five of us all held candles, I held the microphone (and a spice bag - left over from Micah’s bar mitzvah!), while David held his candle and the kiddush cup.
Right after Havdalah, we went into the Horah. Sofia was SO excited to be the center - literally. She would not let any of us dance with her. Instead, she just stood in the center of the many circles, enjoying the feel over everyone dancing around her. And when it was time for the chair lifting, she was overjoyed. We had both boys and then David up on chairs. When it was mom’s turn, I said “nope” and hopped up to stand on the chair while it stayed safely on the ground.
I had told the DJ company “no light show” so they did not bring any colored or flashing lights. It was a good decision. The natural lighting of the room - either dimmed for quieter times or full strength for wild dancing - was much more sensory friendly. We had a whole table of parents sitting near the kids, and I was overjoyed to have my DS mom friends with me. The kids were all amazing. The various groups (school, shul, MWJDS, specials) overlapped and got along so well. Everyone was super sweet. Sofia’s school friends were very attentive to her, and everyone danced.
I mean EVERYONE danced. The DJ did a great job of getting everyone up (at one point we had a giant conga line snaking through the room), and so many of us are dancing machines anyway. I loved having all my wonderful girlfriends with me (MWJDS gang, DS moms, Brandeis crowd, and so many others). Sofia loved loved loved being the center of attention.
And she looked gorgeous. Sweet and lovely, with the fancy dress we’d gotten nearly a year ago, and the fun blinged-out sneakers. The only grumpy moment was when she got hungry, but I got her some chips and she was fine.
The DJ mistakenly sent 187 people to the dinner buffet at the same time (I spoke to him about it afterwards), but otherwise he did a good job of getting people moving. I did bring a box of ear plugs, which turned out to be a very good idea. The kids loved all the prizes the DJ handed out.
It was just simply perfect. Sweet and fun and amazing.
At 10pm, the ice cream buffet was out and we played the slide show. Sofia sat front and center (and told me to go away). With each song in the montage, she sat (cake plate in hand) singing and doing the arm motions. She was enchanted. I loved watching her friends recognize themselves in the photos.
After the Party
The party officially ended at 11pm, but it took us an hour to get the cars loaded (mine, David’s and A’s) and get out of there. Sofia was so tired, and wanted to “go home, put on pajamas, and in five minutes, sleep.” We made it home a little after midnight, and I sent her off to bed. The rest of us sat (on the kitchen floor, for some reason), talking while I opened her cards. (I promised she could open the physical gifts on Sunday).
Sunday, October 7: Buddy Walk
We weren’t done yet! David went back to shul for minyan Sunday morning, while I got us ready for the Buddy Walk. I packed up a variety of leftovers, plus the 55 t-shirts I had prepared. Sofia, Micah and I left the house at 10, and got to Wakefield right at 11. We managed to get a terrific parking space right near the corner where I wanted to set up, and got everything loaded onto the green. Then we had about 35 minutes to relax; I read my book while Sofia watched a movie on her tablet and Micah did some homework. People finally started joining us. Occasionally I would take a walk over to the festivities, but really, we were just all so tired!
Around 1:00, I took Sofia over to see the princesses: Elsa and Anna, Evie and Mal. She enjoyed that a lot, and it took some time to get her back to our picnic area.
The walk started at 1:30, and as usual, it took a while to get moving. My feet were killing me. While I had a nice time talking to my friends, by the time we hit the bus stop, I couldn’t go any further. I took the shuttle back to the Common, and relaxed with C. (who had stayed behind to guard the stuff). We had a nice conversation.


Everyone finally came back, we snacked and shmoozed, and then said goodbye. We had to stop and get my eyeglasses fixed; somehow I lost one of the nose pieces! Back home to eat, clean up and get to sleep… after watching Doctor Who, of course!