Thursday, April 17, 2008

Too Much Loveliness

I really really REALLY should be prepping for Passover. My kitchen is a wreck. I've packed up most of my every-day dishes, but the boxes are all still in the kitchen (waiting for David to get home from Chicago in a few hours). I've only run one dishwasher load of Passover dishes yet.

But instead, I made my coffee (the boys got a ride to school, and Sofia has PT at 10:30), and sat down to read more of Jennifer Graf Gronenberg's Roadmap To Holland. If you do not yet have your copy, I HIGHLY recommend you race over to the bookstore or jump online and order it now - unless, of course, you are also prepping for Pesach, in which case I recommend waiting until at least Monday!

I "met" Jennifer through "Gifts", and this is her own full story of the first two years of life with Avery, who has an extra chromosome. Deliciously written, incredibly honest. I want to give Jennifer a gigantic HUG!

But reading her book also makes me think about my own experience, learning that Sofia would have Down syndrome. I'm starting to feel a bit like a freak, because I only remember crying for 30 seconds when I got the Amnio results. David and I were both very quick to "accept" the diagnosis and move on to more practical matters like "how do we set up a Special Needs Trust" or "is it to early to sign up for Early Intervention?" (yes, 5 months pregnant IS too early, by the way!)

David and I discussed it the other night (he was actually home). Although he was certainly plunged into "worry", he also did not have the saddness that seems to accompany so many other families.

And I feel a little guilty about how excited I was - I've felt since high school that I was supposed to have a child with Down syndrome (because of a beautiful experience in Israel at Ma'on Latinok, that home for children with DS). Also, since my mom and I had an awful fight when I found out the gender of the baby and wouldn't tell her until I'd told David (who was in Switzerland at the time), I was relieved to know that at least THIS mother-daughter relationship would be "different" (whatever that would mean...).

Ok, I have to go - MIss Sofia is DEMANDING an egg, and I really really have to finish the kitchen so I can start cooking!

(Oh, and my Bog title today is because I get such a wonderfeeling reading Jennifer's book, and because Miss Sofia decided that she did not like the dress and diaper she was wearing, so she stripped naked - of course - and got dressed from the ground up...socks, shoes, then pullup, skirt and shirt!).

And because it's a beautiful day out.


Anonymous said...

I love this post. I love how you accepted your daughter right away, and how you accepted my grief and sadness right away too, without judgement but with a hug.

Your reaction is the one I hope all parents have, some day. There is no need for fear, no need for doubt. I couldn't see this at first, but I see it now. And the fact that you could see it all along gives me great hope.


Pam said...

I have GOT to get this book. I keep reading all of the reviews about it, and I am dying to read it!!

Thank you for the thoughts, I always enjoy reading your blog, and yes, your darling Sofia is just simply lovely.


Pam and Rhett

amy flege said...

just stopping by to see how everything went this weekend with cooking and all!! hope it went well!