Monday, August 6, 2007

Blue Funk over all

I just cannot seem to shake this sad mood. It started Thursday, when I got nervous about the spot on my back (I went to the dermatologist today; she said it didn't look cancerous but she took it off anyway). But it's not just that. There are just so many things that are pulling me down. In no particular order (but sort of sorted by subtopic, of course):

Work/School: getting ready to officiate at R&J's wedding in September, getting a plan in place and getting back to that guy I had an interview with a few weeks ago, keeping up with my Hebrew homework, prepping for High Holidays (tough when the student rabbi is away in Israel all summer), my shul committee duties (I'm co-chair of Early Childhood Education, and I'm on the Survey committee, and I've got tasks for both).

Health: well, skin is taken care of for now, I had an awful tummy ache yesterday, and I'm just so SAD.

Family: dealing with my mom, my sister, and my husband - all very strong personalities. David asked me to talk to him about what was bothering me, but then got defensive (the next topic is money) and we got in a fight instead. Sigh. And of course, the situation with David's sister is none-too-good and very stressful for me. She moved into an apartment, but not the one she was supposed to, into an older one instead, with lead paint, so then she moved out and she's back at Grandma's again. At this point, I'm starting to stress about what will happen when she finally does have the baby. I am simply not ready to have another baby in this house, and I'm terrified that we'll end up having to take it.

Money: there are a whole bunch of house renovations we either really badly need or need and have started to pursue but have decided there's just no money (new front door, redo downstairs bathroom vanity and tiles, buy a piano, get a desk/storage space for the boys, replace the carpet in the upstairs hallway where there is a huge mushy stain from laundry detergent); we also have to come up with money for Tae Kwan Do for both boys, piano lessons for Micah (even if we don't buy the piano, he can still use my electric keyboard for a while), MyGym class for Sofia, continued need for the Mother's Helper (thank heavens she was back from vacation - she was jere 6 hours today!).

And then there's all the "shoulds": should order photos to get printed (to eventually put into scrapbooks, but at least to get last year printed!), should help D get a Shabbat component together for next year's NDSC conference in Boston (nice distraction - thanks for thinking of it, D!), should clean more of this house, should exercise, should plan our trip to Israel for November, should do more "stuff").


On the flip side, we had a nice weekend. We stayed home Friday instead of camping, and we drove out early Saturday morning for Maine. We went to the beack in York. It was mobbed, and the water was veyr cold, but Sofia and Sam both had a blast. Miss Sofia was blue and shivering, but laughing hysterically and signing "wet" over and over (it's cute - she makes a little sound like she's coughing up a fur ball when she signs "wet" or "cat", which both look similar when she does them). We stayed on the beach a bit, and then I got her changed and into the stroller, and she fell asleep almost immediately. We walked around York Beach for a while. Then we got back in the car (there was a lot of traffic all day) and headed to Freeport, for a free Arlo Guthrie concert.

We got to LLBean at about 4:30, and there were already tons of people set up for the concert. Folding chairs, beach chairs, even a giant screen. We got a nice spot just in front of the screen, where we could turn our heads to see the screen or stand on our toes to see Arlo in person.

It's Arlo's "Solo Reunion Tour", and it was terrific. He hasn't played all by himself in many years, and he played all his best songs. It was fun to watch Sammy singing along (we play Arlo in the car alot), and Sofia kept dancing.

We left Freeport at 10pm, and got home at 12:30 - amazing how much faster it it without traffic! Then Sunday, after breakfast at the local cafe, we went to CT.

We stopped to see David's grandma for a while. She's the youngest of the 3 remaining great-grandparents, but she's feeling her mortality, and she's been cleaning out her house. She and David started arguing about us taking a big box of stuff. I finally said we should just take it - it'll make her happy, and we can throw out what we would have had her throw out anyway.

After that visit, we went to my parent's house to retrieve Micah. My 8 year old twin nieces had also slept over, so the 4 kids had fun together. My sister and her husband showed up a little later and we all had dinner. It was just stressful. Nothing specific. I just get really self-conscious around them.

So now I've gotta do homework. The boys are out back in the tent, along with the kid from next door. Sofia's asleep, David's on the phone. And we have to watch the episode of the 4400 that we taped last night.


amy flege said...

awww I am sorry you are in a funk...hugs to you!

FBF Rothkopf said...

Thanks, Amy. Having all these wonderful friends (like you) to "talk" to has really helped.